Most Romantic First Line…

Need help coming up with that perfect ditty for your better (or worse) half? Perhaps these will help inspire you!

–These are entries to a competition asking for a rhyme with the most romantic first line but least romantic second line:

Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss
but I only slept with you, cause I was pissed

Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, so are you.
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl is empty and so is your head

Of loving beauty you float with grace
If only you could hide your face

I thought that I could love no other
Until, that is, I met your brother

Kind, intelligent, loving and hot
This describes everything you are not

I want to feel your sweet embrace
But don’t take that paper bag off of your face

I love your smile, your face, and your eyes-
Damn, I’m good at telling lies!

Every time I see your face
I wish I were in outer space

I saw your face as you walked by
but then I saw a better guy

My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife:
Marrying you screwed up my life

I see your face when I am dreaming
That’s why I always wake up screaming

My love you take my breath away
What have you stepped in to smell this way?

My feelings for you no words can tell
Except for maybe “go to hell”

What inspired this amorous rhyme?
Two parts vodka, one part lime

The Dollar

Question: What is the best way to get rid of Irish people?

Answer: Throw a dollar off of a bridge!

Question: What is the best way to get rid of more Irish people?

Answer: Say that no one found the dollar yet!

“IQ Levels”

Albert Einstein arrives at a party and introduces himself to the first person he sees and asks, “What is your IQ?” to which the man answers “241.”

“That is wonderful!,” says Albert. “We will talk about the Grand Unification Theory and the mysteries of the Universe. We will have much to discuss!”

Next Albert introduces himself to a woman and asks, “What is your IQ?” To which the lady answers, “144.”

“That is great!,” responds Albert. “We can discuss politics and current affairs. We will have much to discuss!”

Albert goes to another person and asks, “What is your IQ?” to which the man answers, “51.”

Albert responds, “How ’bout them Cowboys?”

Polite Ways of Putting it

Some useful descriptions of people you may come into contact with from day to day.
1. Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.
2. Got into the gene pool while the lifeguard wasn’t watching.
3. A room temperature IQ.
4. Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold them together.
5. A photographic memory, but the lens cover is glued on.
6. A prime candidate for natural de-selection.
7. Bright as Alaska in December.
8. During evolution, his ancestors were in the control group.
9. Fell out of the family tree.
10. Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn’t coming.
11. Has two brains; one is lost and the other is out looking for it.
12. He’s so dense, light bends around him.
13. If he were any more stupid, he’d have to be watered twice a week.
14. If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean.
15. It’s hard to believe that he beat 100,000 other sperm.
16. Some drink from the fountain of knowledge, but he just gargled.
17. Takes him a hour-and-a-half to watch “60 Minutes”.
18. One burger short of a happy meal.